My 15 Reasons Why Summer Sucks

There’s no denying it. After a cold, rainy, grey winter, the first few days of sunny Summer are blissful. There’s truly nothing like sunshine to make your soul smile, and make you feel like everything is going to be ok.

Fast forward a few weeks, it’s been 4 straight days above 35, your quarterly electricity bill is the equivalent cost of a small village and you’ve lived off frozen yogurt for the past week… all of a sudden Winter doesn’t seem so bad… does it?

1. Make up sweats off

Whenever the temperature is above 30 degrees, your make up sweats off before you’ve even had a chance to finish it. Your face is always shiny and despite wanting to look your best for dating season, you contemplate just throwing the towel in on the makeup all together in favour of a wet face cloth and cool misting spray.

2. You have to pretend you are satisfied with just a salad

Don’t tell me a leafy green salad hits the spot for dinner 7 nights a week. But for 3 months of the year you have to pretend that it’s too hot to eat, and that you’ll be happy with just a fresh, light salad.

3. BBQ smoke ruins lives

A BBQ is all well and good, nothing beats lamb chops on the barbie… but once that BBQ smoke gets into your hair – it’s more off putting than a shrivelled up, overcooked snag. It’s fine if your neighbour is cooking up, and the waft gets your tastebuds going, but the smoke from standing by the BBQ is a bit full on. It permeates your pores and sticks to your clothes. It’s a no from me, call me outside when it’s cooked and ready to eat.

4. Underboob sweat

If you’re bigger than a B cup, you know you get it.

5. Wearing a bikini

When you’re feeling about a 4, wearing a bikini isn’t the best thing for the self-esteem. Especially when you set up camp for a day at the beach next to a group of young 20 year olds who haven’t eaten since the beginning of winter. Still won’t stop me from eating fish and chips on the beach of course – and washing that down with a coke and a rainbow paddle pop… just stating that bikini season makes me uncomfortable.

6. Having to establish a regular shaving routine

We all know that you can go a few weeks through winter without attending to the hair growth situation… I’ve even saved on razor costs by milking it for the whole winter season. But during summer you need to get more organised about the hair removal situation, or face the humiliation of your 20-something neighbours at the beach snickering at your stubbly underarm and bikini line situation. I’m just not that happy about allowing an extra 13 minutes into my shower routine to accomodate this.

7. Sunnies can be deceiving

Errrryone looks hot in a pair of sunnies. I remember losing my mind at the Portsea Pub one year because everyone was just so good looking!! But beware; make sure you hang around til nightfall to ensure that you’re not being catfished. I’m just saying. It happens.

8. Too hot to snuggle

I can’t even stand my own company on a hot summer night – let alone the random guy I just brought home from the Sorento… snuggling isn’t really my thing at the best of times – but it’s definitely not going to happen if it’s between the months of December and March.

9. My ice cream melts too quickly

I’m a big fan of ice cream. I’m a big fan of sugary treats in general, actually. But I like to take my time and savour every mouthful. A hot summer day will see me eating my ice cream off my elbow – and I just don’t appreciate it.

10. Getting 3rd degree burns from my seatbelt

You known the metal clips? Yup. Lethal.

11. Sweaty sex

More sweaty than usual. Nuff said.

12. Guys thinking it’s ok to walk around topless

We’re all hot. Put your top back on mate. Save it for Stereo.

13. B.O

It’s bad enough cramming onto a busy tram at peak hour, but add 20 degrees and this becomes a vivid version of hell. Please take some self care, especially during the warmer months, and for the love of God use some antiperspirant, if not for your self, then for the poor souls whose faces end up a bee’s dick away from your open pit as you reach for the overhead handles on the tram.

14. Getting guilted into going outside

Sometimes, I enjoy a couch potato session. Especially on a Sunday. And definitely when I’m hung over. But everyone feels they have to get out and about as soon as the temperature reaches over 25 degrees. ‘Oh it’s such a nice day, you need to get out and enjoy it’. No Karen, I’m happy in my little shoebox of an apartment, with the air-con on BOOST watching re-runs of Sex in the City and reminiscing about the days when the weather was cool and stormy.

15. Boys in singlets

I can’t explain it. I just don’t dig a guy in a singlet. He can be blessed with a rig like Channing Tatum, but it’s still a no from me. Especially if we are on a date – a little effort please. You can hear our debate about wearing a singlet to a date on our podcast (listen to episode 2 HERE)

So in conclusion, I am definitely a Winter bunny. Spring is nice, Winter is best, and sun is good for the soul… but all I’m asking is we keep it under 30 degrees… I don’t think that’s too unreasonable, is it?

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