Recently I shared a post about our Glitter Bug Boy. There’s been whispers… I’ve been asked (somewhat smugly) if he presents so well, and is as handsome as we suggest, then why is he single?
And do you know what? Im getting a bit sick of this.
How often do we hear people say “well that’s why they’re single!”
Just last week on married at first sight, Tracey threw that statement in her husband Dean’s face after he suggested that he didn’t think she was the kind of girl he could see himself with.
I’ve been watching TV before when some pretty young thing makes a random, bold and off handed comment, and Mum has spat out the old “well that explains why she’s single…”
You see people on reality TV shows explaining their ideal woman; blonde, busty and blue-eyed… or you hear a tradie wolf whistle at a girl walking past… or you may even know someone with a massive checklist… or when your girlfriend keeps dating the same kind of fuck boy over and over again… and what do we think? “Well, that’s why they’re single!”
I’m sure people say this without realising it. But I feel that it implies, in some way, that it’s this persons own fault, and their own flaws and stubbornness that have prevented them from finding love.
But is everyone perfect?
Doesn’t everyone deserve to find love?
*Don’t get me wrong* – Dean did a horrible thing by leading Tracey on, making her believe he was happy, sleeping with her, and then writing ‘leave’ when it came to crunch time… I don’t think it’s realistic to refuse to date someone who doesn’t tick 19 out of your 20 non-negotiables check boxes on your ‘list’… and I think off handed comments can often be unbecoming and off-putting… but does that mean these people don’t deserve love? And is that really the reason they’re single? Because I could possibly argue that Bob who lives next door and hits his wife probably deserves to be single more than the man with a 38 point check-list for his future wife.
Are you so perfect?
I know I can be guilty of the opposite – sometimes I meet a horrid, selfish or rude individual and I think to myself “How the FUCK have you found someone to marry you?”
But the truth is?
WE ALL HAVE OUR FLAWS! While some people might fall for the wrong kind of person time and time again and wonder why we keep getting hurt, while some people drink too much and get mouthy, while some people wear skanky clothes or like to have lots of sex… others may raise our voice overly quickly or lack motivation or suck at budgeting… do the later ‘bad traits’ mean that you should not qualify to find a loving relationship?
No. I didn’t think so.
Looks like a keeper
And while we’re on this topic? I can tell you that looks have LITTLE to do with your ability to attract or maintain a relationship.
I’ve heard some pretty fucking stupid comments about this too. A beautiful young girl comes on TV and someone will say, she’s hot HOW CAN SHE BE SINGLE?! You know what, maybe she’s a horrible person who cheats on every partner she’s ever had and can’t hold her booze without touching up every guy at the bar.
I’m a little guilty of this – I remember when I found out that Sophie Monk was going to be the latest Bachelorette… I think I even posted a status saying “If Sophie Monk can’t find love – we’re all fucked” But deep down I think I felt sad for her… because yes she’s stunning, but she still can’t find love, a thing she wants so desperately that she was willing to expose herself, open to criticism and humiliation in front of the whole nation in order to give it a red hot crack… and with the added pressure of people thinking there MUST be something wrong with her because, why else would someone so stunning be single, right!?
You’re too picky
Warning – next person who says this will legitimately get a punch in the face from me. As I’ve mentioned… there are a few reasons I have an issue with this statement.
Firstly: *Maybe* I’m not too picky – it just seems that way to you because you don’t know all the dozens of dates with different kinds of people (who all look different and come from all walks of live) I’ve been with that haven’t worked out. Personally, I like to give everyone a go, and am pretty open minded. I usually can find something attractive about everyone, and whilst I certainly have a ‘type’ that I’m attracted to, that doesn’t prevent me from engaging with other men who don’t fit that profile. So no. I don’t believe I am too picky.
Secondly: Even if I was ‘too picky’, I feel that would absolutely be my prerogative. We are talking about spending the rest of our living days with the one person we choose, right? Am I expected to walk down the aisle with the first guy who shows me any interest? I feel that there are far too many people who weren’t picky ENOUGH… and I’m talking about couples who are absolutely toxic for each other, who tolerate each other and don’t share a shred of emotional or physical connection… is that better than having a few expectations for your future partner? I’m not sure what you think, but I know what I want in a partner, and it’s pretty simple stuff (respectful, honest and passionate – and an explosive sex-life, please) and whilst I won’t accept any compromise from these non-negotiables, I don’t believe that’s being too picky… and if you do, Barbra, then you can just fuck right off.
Now, I could go on and on, but this was meant to be a short and sweet post about how much it shits me when people think they KNOW why someone is single… and you know what, guys… MAYBE THEY WANT TO BE SINGLE! Maybe they need time to catch their breath. Maybe they want to be a skanky dressed ass hole who sleeps with every second guy… Maybe they haven’t met their match yet… maybe they’ve been hurt so, so many times before, that a part of them has given up, or put up walls, or turned away their potential soul mate because so many fuck boys that came before made them feel undeserving…
Everyone has a story. Maybe just worry about your own back yard and leave the singles in peace – because believe me, we are hard enough on ourselves, without your judgement or smug remarks.
We are all deserving of love, if that’s what our heart desires.